My Virtual Reading Room

REPORT CARD RECEIVED

My boy is doing well in school:
He minds, he never breaks a rule;
He loves his work so much, he stays
An extra hour or two, some days;
He's quick to learn, nor soon forgets,
In fact, he's one of teacher's pets.

Or so I thought, from what he told me,
But what a bill of goods he sold me!

(Richard Armour)

RAISING THE QUESTION

When I grow vexed and weary
From Junior's ceaseless "Why?"
His morn-to-evening query
About the earth and sky,

My nerves are nearly shattered,
My patience flickers low,
But how my ego's flattered
To think he'd think I know!

DEFLATION

Sons and daughters
In their teens
Think their parents
Don't know beans.

Which would not be
Hard to face
Were it not so
Oft the case.

(Richard Armour)

CYCLE

Junior gets a cold somewhere,
His sister gets it next;
The end, however, isn't there,
And that's what makes us vexed.

For Sister's cold is passed on then
To Father and to Mother,
Who barely have recovered when--
Yes, Junior gets another!

(Richard Armour)

TO A BAWLING BABE

Stop that yelling, screaming, yowling,
Cease that heart-is-breaking howling.
What's a pinprick? What's some damp?
Dry your eyes, you little scamp.

Wait till you've had more of life,
Got a job, some debts, a wife,
Then, I haven't any doubt,
You'll have things to cry about!

(Richard Armour, from "For Partly Proud Parents")