Entry tags:
"When you're lying awake..."
Love, unrequited... When you're lying awake
(The Lord Chancellor's Song, from 'Iolanthe')
Enter Lord Chancellor, very miserable.
Lord Chancellor:
Love, unrequited, robs me of my rest:
Love, hopeless love, my ardent soul encumbers:
Love, nightmare-like, lies heavy on my chest,
And weaves itself into my midnight slumbers!
When you're lying awake with a dismal headache, and repose is taboo'd by anxiety,
I conceive you may use any language you choose to indulge in, without impropriety;
For your brain is on fire – the bedclothes conspire of usual slumber to plunder you:
First your counterpane goes, and uncovers your toes, and your sheet slips demurely from under you;
Then the blanketing tickles – you feel like mixed pickles – so terribly sharp is the pricking,
And you're hot, and you're cross, and you tumble and toss till there's nothing ‘twixt you and the ticking.
Then the bedclothes all creep to the ground in a heap, and you pick 'em all up in a tangle;
Next your pillow resigns and politely declines to remain at its usual angle!
Well, you get some repose in the form of a doze, with hot eye-balls and head ever aching.
But your slumbering teems with such horrible dreams that you'd very much better be waking;
For you dream you are crossing the Channel, and tossing about in a steamer from Harwich –
Which is something between a large bathing machine and a very small second-class carriage –
And you're giving a treat (penny ice and cold meat) to a party of friends and relations –
They're a ravenous horde – and they all came on board at Sloane Square and South Kensington Stations.
And bound on that journey you find your attorney (who started that morning from Devon);
He's a bit undersized, and you don't feel surprised when he tells you he's only eleven.
Well, you're driving like mad with this singular lad (by the by, the ship's now a four-wheeler),
And you're playing round games, and he calls you bad names when you tell him that "ties pay the dealer";
But this you can't stand, so you throw up your hand, and you find you're as cold as an icicle,
In your shirt and your socks (the black silk with gold clocks), crossing Salisbury Plain on a bicycle:
And he and the crew are on bicycles too – which they've somehow or other invested in –
And he's telling the tars all the particulars of a company he's interested in –
It's a scheme of devices, to get at low prices all goods from cough mixtures to cables
(Which tickled the sailors), by treating retailers as though they were all vegetables –
You get a good spadesman to plant a small tradesman (first take off his boots with a boot-tree),
And his legs will take root, and his fingers will shoot, and they'll blossom and bud like a fruit-tree –
From the greengrocer tree you get grapes and green pea, cauliflower, pineapple, and cranberries,
While the pastrycook plant cherry brandy will grant, apple puffs, and three corners, and Banburys –
The shares are a penny, and ever so many are taken by Rothschild and Baring,
And just as a few are allotted to you, you awake with a shudder despairing –
You're a regular wreck, with a crick in your neck, and no wonder you snore, for your head's on the floor,
and you've needles and pins from your soles to your shins, and your flesh is a-creep, for your left leg's asleep,
and you've cramp in your toes, and a fly on your nose, and some fluff in your lung, and a feverish tongue,
and a thirst that's intense, and a general sense that you haven't been sleeping in clover;
But the darkness has passed, and it's daylight at last, and the night has been long – ditto, ditto my song – and thank goodness they're both of them over!
Lord Chancellor falls exhausted on a seat.
By Gilbert and Sullivan
(reposted from
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Another version, with the nightmare part modernized:
Lord Chancellor:
Love, unrequited, robs me of my rest:
Love, hopeless love, my ardent soul encumbers:
Love, nightmare-like, lies heavy on my chest,
And weaves itself into my midnight slumbers!
When you're lying awake with a dismal headache, and repose is taboo'd by anxiety,
I conceive you may use any language you choose to indulge in, without impropriety;
For your brain is on fire – the bedclothes conspire of usual slumber to plunder you:
First your coverlet goes, and uncovers your toes, and your sheet slips demurely from under you;
Then the blanketing tickles – you feel like mixed pickles – so terribly sharp is the pricking,
And you're hot, and you're cross, and you tumble and toss till there's nothing ‘twixt you and the ticking.
Then the bedclothes all creep to the ground in a heap, and you pick 'em all up in a tangle;
Next your pillow resigns and politely declines to remain at its usual angle!
Well, you get some repose in the form of a doze, with hot eye-balls and head ever aching.
But your slumbering teems with such horrible dreams that you'd very much better be waking;
For you dream you are crossing the Channel and tossing about in a boat called "The Chichimon",
And the chopper's so rough that the crew's had enough and you're manning the boat on the intercom,
It's no better on earth where the bike lanes are blocked and the highway all slowed by construction,
And you're driving at night, a deer's in your headlights, so your car's up for total destruction,
And you walk over there, and you're chased by a bear, and you're sprayed by a skunk for good measure,
And you take a long shower that's cold for an hour, your body becomes even tenser,
Well, your traveling's bizarre, if by foot or by car, and you don't even know where you're going,
Next you're ripped by a pole, now your clothes are all torn and your polkadot knickers are showing,
But this you can't stand, so you throw up your hand, which you find is as cold as an icicle,
Standing by the roadside, you try thumbing your ride, and find something that's equally frightful.
What's that bump up ahead? It's a swing bridge instead, and you're stuck for it's closed for the whole week,
The equipment's in piles, and what are those sounds? It's the soundtrack from 'The Nightmare on Elm Street',
What's wrong with the view?! There's another work crew, building turbines upon the Glens Mountain,
Building them one by one, till they have a mill'ion, but after a while, who the heck's countin'?
Well, you head to the west, 'cause you missed Countryfest, and you get to Chiking, what the f for?
There's a snake in the loo, and a cougar in view, and you wonder just what you are in for.
And then what should appear but some people who hear you drone on, singing at the Epworth theatre,
Carolee's in the back, and she's having a nap, so would someone please un-resuscitate her?
The dream just goes on, like this horrible song, surely you'll agree it's beyond bearing,
But you'll never have fun till your nightmare is done, so you wake with a shudder despairing –
You're a regular wreck, with a crick in your neck, and no wonder you snore, for your head's on the floor,
and you've needles and pins from your soles to your shins, and your flesh is a-creep, for your left leg's asleep,
and you've cramp in your toes, and a fly on your nose, and some fluff in your lung, and a feverish tongue,
and a thirst that's intense, and a general sense that you haven't been sleeping in clover;
But the darkness has passed, and it's daylight at last, and the night has been long – ditto, ditto my song – and thank goodness they're both of them over!
And you're hot, and you're cross, and you tumble and toss till there's nothing ‘twixt you and the ticking.
Then the bedclothes all creep to the ground in a heap, and you pick 'em all up in a tangle;
Next your pillow resigns and politely declines to remain at its usual angle!
Well, you get some repose in the form of a doze, with hot eye-balls and head ever aching.
But your slumbering teems with such horrible dreams that you'd very much better be waking;
For you dream you are crossing the Channel and tossing about in a boat called "The Chichimon",
And the chopper's so rough that the crew's had enough and you're manning the boat on the intercom,
It's no better on earth where the bike lanes are blocked and the highway all slowed by construction,
And you're driving at night, a deer's in your headlights, so your car's up for total destruction,
And you walk over there, and you're chased by a bear, and you're sprayed by a skunk for good measure,
And you take a long shower that's cold for an hour, your body becomes even tenser,
Well, your traveling's bizarre, if by foot or by car, and you don't even know where you're going,
Next you're ripped by a pole, now your clothes are all torn and your polkadot knickers are showing,
But this you can't stand, so you throw up your hand, which you find is as cold as an icicle,
Standing by the roadside, you try thumbing your ride, and find something that's equally frightful.
What's that bump up ahead? It's a swing bridge instead, and you're stuck for it's closed for the whole week,
The equipment's in piles, and what are those sounds? It's the soundtrack from 'The Nightmare on Elm Street',
What's wrong with the view?! There's another work crew, building turbines upon the Glens Mountain,
Building them one by one, till they have a mill'ion, but after a while, who the heck's countin'?
Well, you head to the west, 'cause you missed Countryfest, and you get to Chiking, what the f for?
There's a snake in the loo, and a cougar in view, and you wonder just what you are in for.
And then what should appear but some people who hear you drone on, singing at the Epworth theatre,
Carolee's in the back, and she's having a nap, so would someone please un-resuscitate her?
The dream just goes on, like this horrible song, surely you'll agree it's beyond bearing,
But you'll never have fun till your nightmare is done, so you wake with a shudder despairing –
You're a regular wreck, with a crick in your neck, and no wonder you snore, for your head's on the floor,
and you've needles and pins from your soles to your shins, and your flesh is a-creep, for your left leg's asleep,
and you've cramp in your toes, and a fly on your nose, and some fluff in your lung, and a feverish tongue,
and a thirst that's intense, and a general sense that you haven't been sleeping in clover;
But the darkness has passed, and it's daylight at last, and the night has been long – ditto, ditto my song – and thank goodness they're both of them over!
no subject
(OK...coincidence...but still...:-p )
no subject
And yes, I thought you would like it...but sorry you cannot sleep.
Perhaps this might be of use?
no subject
A temporary blip, I suspect:-p
no subject
And I hope so.
no subject
no subject